Be Kind, Rewind

You know, I often give these boxes a lot of flack - rightfully so, might I add, I'm by no means apologizing for that - but I have to say that of all the taglines we've covered on this blog, "Should old acquaintance be forgot? Or just brutally murdered" might be the best. There's just something stunningly hilarious about that. "Bloody New Year" is yet another horror movie based around a holiday, as was common for a long while, and, as usual, they tried to fit the name of the holiday into a stupid name for the movie. Much like "My Bloody Valentine" or "Christmas Evil" , these movies could never resist the urge to come up with the absolute stupidest titles possible instead of giving it something decent and unique. And the cover here is...I mean....it's comical. It's not even scary. It's on the laughable side of Tales from the Crypt, honestly. That skull doesn't invoke fear, it invokes riotious laughter. Look at his dumb...

As I was preparing to do my first post - on a film I will do next week titled "A Quiet Place To Kill" - since the end of June before my hiatus, I came across something far more worthwhile. For those in the know, this one may not be one of the more unheard of "gems" (and I use that term extremely loosely) to come across this blog but I felt it warranted a post nonetheless, especially since there's so much to talk about not just in regards to variants but in regards to the opening image itself. So let's talk about Driller Killer. How about we begin with the fact that the name of the movie is Driller Killer, because that alone is rife for the joking. It's good to have onomatopoeic for the sake of catching a publics attention, but it's especially good when they literally rhyme like poetry. And it's not a bad title, to be perfectly honest. That isn't to say it's not ridiculous, because it's absolutely ridiculous, but it also isn't outr...

Listen, I don't think I even have to explain this, but when a building has a name that specifically implies what occurs inside this building, or what it's representing, you might want to steer clear of it especially if that name is dangerous. For example, I don't go to Pizza Hut and ask for tacos, because it's a hut that serves pizza. Same reason I don't go to Radioshack to try and buy books, because it's a shack full of electronics. Do you see what I'm saying? So it only stands to reason then that if a place is called Murder House or Death Row or, in this weeks case, fucking Blood Shack, that yeah, perhaps you shouldn't go poking around in it. It's just common sense, really. I mean, what do you really expect to find inside of a Blood Shack? Blood, presumably. Possibly even your own blood if you're not careful. So just stay the hell away from it. It's not like you're going to find buried pirates treasure. It's not called Pirate Treas...

Erotikill is what happens when horror meets horniness. Nothing goes more hand in hand with death than sex. Let me tell you, nothing gets me hotter than having lesbian sex and then going out to commit murders together. And, for a change, this box isn't actually that bad. It's got an almost vaporwave quality to it, but overall it isn't actually too terrible. It's not fantastic either, by any means, especially the back, but it's alright. You've got this cool dual image of your lead and then your lead as a skull, which is a nice comparison shot. Hell, even the title font is pretty neat, plain as it seems to be. Though, if I have any issues to gripe about with the cover it's that they should've done her whole face as one image instead of this actual mirroring. One half of her face as fleshy, the other as skeletal. That would've been a lot better. And the back, as always plagued by the ever present "multiple out of context screenshots" we've ...

This is...I don't even know how to start this one, quite honestly, you guys. I guess I'll state that it only makes sense that there's a sticker on it from a place called Movie America, because only Americans could make something so absolutely fucking awful. The colors, the layout, the fonts, everything about this shits the bed. The title of the fucking thing is on the front, the spine AND the back, ya know, just in case you forgot in the last 30 seconds or something. Thanks for the constant reminder. God forbid I might've forgotten what it was called otherwise, without your incessant reiteration! And while the layout of this case is nothing particularly awful - in fact, regular readers will recognize at this point that it's fairly standard, honestly, for the time period - it's also somehow even worse than others that follow the same design. First of all, and I really wish I could stop saying this but apparently enough people disagree, but the font on the spine i...

You guys. Come on, you guys. This isn't hard. Why is it so tough for you to make something that isn't incomprehensible visually? I just...I don't even know anymore, man. Every single week I have to come back here and teach you guys about graphic design, and you're the ones presumably doing graphic design for a living. How is this even possible? Alright, let's get into it, I guess. For what it's worth, let's start with a compliment, and that's that the artwork itself isn't all that bad. That's a nice look eyeball, despite the title making it sound like there's multiple eyes, but whatever. Let's ignore that for now. But seriously, top notch artistry went into visually crafting that eyeball, and I love him. The bleakness of the background, the city in the distance, the woman who - I'm assuming is a victim, unless that's HER eyeball that crawled out of her skull, which would make sense given she's covering her face with her hand -...

Listen, it's okay to have a room dedicated to Exorcism, maybe even two, but a whole entire house? That's just greedy. Surely you live with other people who want to use that house and those rooms for their own purposes, who says it's up to you that the entirety of the home is to be dedicated solely to the act of Exorcism? Rude, quite frankly, you selfish twit. Why can't you just rent a hotel room like normal people who perform their nefarious acts out of the public eye. Honestly, at first glance, there's a lot to enjoy from this box. Let's start with the director, the man, the myth, the legend...Mickey Lion. What a fantastic name. Not to be confused with Mikey Lion , who is the top hat-wearing leader of The San Diego based Desert Hearts Crew, who, biannually, throw the 70-hour nonstop Desert Hearts Festival with the mantra "House, Techno, & Love" as its tagline. No, Mickey Lion is a man so mysterious that he cannot be traced. Maybe he went into...

So, I guess I'll start off by saying that this cover looks a rainbow vomited onto a fart. Like, visually, that's the first thing I think of upon seeing this color palette. Now, while at first glance this may appear not all that interesting to look at, there's actually a lot more going on here than you'd think. Let's start with, once again, these companies hiring the absolute lowest tier artist possible to draw their horrifying humanoid creatures they've plastered on the front of this monstrosity, that I sincerely hope aren't actual representations of the people in the movie, because if they are, then god those poor ugly people. Again, if you're going to through all the trouble of financing and producing a filming a picture, why would you drop the ball at the very last part of that? Why would you hire the worst people to create the thing that's going to be the first visual representation of your finished product on a shelf somewhere? Makes no se...