Be Kind, Rewind

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but that werewolf sure resembles an angry terrier more than it resembles a werewolf. Not that angry terriers aren't horrifying. They can be vicious little bastards. I'm just saying...if you're going to make a werewolf, make a werewolf, not something that resembles your aunts pissy little dog. Then again, we are discussing yet another Italian horror movie made in 1976 which is barely horror from what I've read, so perhaps I'm asking too much from them. Either way, "Werewolf Woman", which is a terrible title but not nearly as terrible as some of the alternatives which we'll discuss in a second, is yet another example of a film in which a woman is raped, then makes that entire incident her characterization. In fact, the sexual assaults seems to weigh more on her as a person than the fact that, you know, she's a goddamned werewolf. And I'm not trying to speak lightly of people who've endured sexual assa...

You know, any movie that just sticks a generic title on it - whether or not the movie is excellent or terrible - deserves to be mocked. You really couldn't come up with anything better than "The Great Alligator"? I know it's also titled just "Alligator", but that's even more boring. At least with the "great" in there you have the hope he might be an alligator who's also a magician or something. Just the singular addition of that word immediately opens up a whole world of possibilities! What a fantastic idea, actually, an alligator magician. Claims he can make you disappear and then fucking eats you. This is yet another Gorgon release, and I have to say, this is awful. Again, their logo is the best part. The font is so-so and could work in another piece, but here it just...it doesn't do anything for the box design. It doesn't subtract anything either, don't get me wrong. It's absolutely unintrusive, which sometimes can be a g...

Have you ever seen a drawing that, once you laid eyes upon it, you were certain it would kill you? That's how I feel about this fucking bear. In fact, this entire tape looks like some sort of warped cursed item from the shop in Needful Things, to be quite honest with you. This thing isn't appropriate for kids, this thing is barely appropriate for unborn fetuses. And they have the audacity, the sheer gall, to state you have a lifetime guarantee with this tape and their other products in the same line? This thing will kill you, that doesn't sound like a lifetime guarantee to me! For the record, I have nothing against educational tapes. Being a kid of the 90s, these sorts of things were a big deal, and hell, I watched a ton of PBS because it was educational and entertaining. But judging from the cover of this tape, and the covers of the (presumably) other tapes available on the back...this doesn't look educational or entertaining. It looks confusing and traumatizing if an...

I'm gonna level with you guys right out the gate...this is the funniest fucking cover I've ever seen. That bear doesn't look frightening or intimidating in the slightest, if anything, he looks like he's happy go lucky and waving to goodbye to his new human friends with a big ol' grin on his face as he heads home for the night after their long day of human/bear woodland adventures together. This bear, this fucking bear? Downright ADORABLE, son. So Willard here - that's his name now, we're calling him Willard - is the star of a movie trying to capitalize off the success of Jaws. That would be evident even without the obvious rhyming name and the flat out admittance on the back blurb. And even if Willard was remotely frightening, which he so obviously isn't, is isn't like the guys on the back cover look very scared themselves. They look more mildly upset that they have to wait for this helicopter to land or they aren't getting better reception on th...