Be Kind, Rewind

Not gonna lie, I don't think I would trust anyone in the medical profession named Doctor Blood, regardless of their qualifications. I don't care if he primarily works a hematologist, that's the kind of name that one only acquires if you spend a lifetime removing blood from people who generally aren't conscious and aware that you're removing their blood. That being said, if I needed the blood from somebody against their will, well then I would immediately hire Doctor Blood, because he's clearly the man for the job, as his name insinuates. Actually, goofy name and awful box art aside, this is one of those rare films covered here that actually has a Wikipedia page, which describes the movie as: Doctor Blood's Coffin is a 1961 British horror film produced by George Fowler, and directed by Sidney J. Furie . It stars Kieron Moore , Hazel Court , and Ian Hunter . The story is that of young biochemist Dr Peter Blood (Kieron Moore), who returns to his hometown in Co...

You know how there's people who call every single soda a "Coke" or every single Pokemon a "Pikachu"? I feel like Bigfoot is lumped into that group as well. Even though Sasquatch, Yeti, Abominable Snowman and Bigfoot are all 4 different cryptids by definition, it feels like they all just get called Bigfoot no matter what, and frankly I'm sick of it. And I'm sick of this box art. Why's this Yeti look like he's about to score a backboard shattering slam dunk in the Alaskan NBA? I'm also a little confused at the font that looks like it'd be on a hundred year old copy of Pinnochio, but at least it's trying to be unique. It's not just some generally ubiquitous font, so I'll give them that much credit. Actually, I'll also give them credit for sticking the Yeti head on the spine. That's a neat little touch. But that's about where the compliments end, honestly. And it's weird because this isn't a terrible box, but i...

"Honey, your prom date, Hanged Slightly Overweight Limo Chauffeur, is here!" Twice Dead, a title that would've worked better for the 2nd movie in a series rather than the first but who's arguing semantics at this point on the blog, is a 1988 directed by Bert Dragin, a man who somehow has simultaneously the best and worst names combined. Not gonna lie, at first glance, I almost thought this was a somewhat educational tape for beginner special effects artists who wanted to learn the trade, thanks to that rather innocuous tagline, "The Ultimate Special Effect". Maybe not the best idea to put it there, and in such goofy font, compared to the wicked cool title font. So, what is Twice Dead? Well the synopsis reads as such: The Cates family is thrilled to learn they have inherited the old mansion of the deranged stage actor, Tyler Walker. They arrive to discover that the mansion has turned into a playground for a local street gang. But the gang is not all the Ca...

Yog is, plain and simple, a Kaiju film. It doesn't pretend to be anything else, there's nothing odd about it, it's very straight forward. But that doesn't mean its box art is exempt from being laughed at because WOW does this thing look like crap. Yet another installment in the "We let our child draw this" series, this cover art for Yog is downright awful. Actually titled "Space Amoeba", and only retitled for the American release in 1971, Yog might be one of the few movies I've covered with no decent title whatsoever. I mean, "Space Amoeba" is just as generic as "Yog, Monster From Space", and the fact that they tried to title the film after one singular character when it's full of kick-ass Kaiju creatures really tells you how very little the American film industry knew of foreign film at the time. The film is somewhat notable, however, for it being the final film with special effects work done by Toho special effects studi...

You know, you'd think after doing this blog as long as I have been that I'd have seen the bottom of the barrel, but every now and then something comes along that proves the barrel is even deeper than we originally thought, and this weeks movie, "Mindstalk", really hammers that point home, I think. "A nightmare come true" , buddy you couldn't be more right. That tagline sums up the feeling I get from laying eyes on this visual abortion as much as anything could. Released by Palace Explosive VHS, an apparently well known company that actually had a fairly unique and cohesive style of box art through their tenure, this thing is anything but unique or cohesive. In fact, this is a rather unique post because for perhaps the first time in the history of this blog, there aren't any variants that I could find. But perhaps that's because it goes by a completely different name altogether, "Murderous Intent". Released in 1985, the film is about ...

Before Nazis became a regular fixture in our day to day lives again, we used to love using them as cinema fodder. Sadly, now looking back on our staples of bad b movies often makes us cringe because they're no longer funny mockeries of villains and instead actual people once again hurting everyone in the current day and age. That's really what's hurt the most from this influx of modern day Nazism, is that they're ruined Hitler as a comedy icon for the rest of time. Anyway, this time, we're looking back at yet another awful b horror movie, S.S. Experiment, or, as it's titled otherwise, "S.S. Experiment Love Camp" which might be the funniest fucking movie title I've ever heard bar none. I have to admit, the Jewish part of me is appalled at this artwork, but the lesbian part of me is in love with it. That's a pretty hot visual, not gonna lie, even if it is somewhat male gazey. I think, though, what bothers me the most about this artwork is how it...

In what looks like a scene of a creature from the depths of the ocean trying to seduce a woman, we have the cover for Island Claws, another VHS classic steeped in genetic experiments gone awry leading to the growth of what the back blurb only describes as "a man eating creature, beyond all parameters of science and evolution". But, like, it's a crab. Like look at the front cover artwork. That's a crab, my dude. I don't usually just jump right in like this, but I'm sorry, I will not let a movie try and purposefully mislead me into thinking there's something grotesque and monstrous in it, when even the movie itself shows me on the front cover what its creature actually is. It's a giant fucking crab. This is a truly basic cover design, so basic even that I'm not sure it warrants a discussion. There's not much of note outside of the fairly well done pencil sketching on the front. The single non contextual screenshot we're given on the back is n...

This woman looks more like she's having fun playfully tugging at her overshirt than she's genuinely annoyed that some creature from the depths of a watery grave is trying to drag her down to him. Oh sure lady, laugh it up, laugh it up until you're down there too, never to be seen or heard from again all because you didn't take river ghouls seriously enough to not act like you were involved in some weird playboy photo shoot when one came at you, intending to make you his prisoner wife. Lady, tut the Coppertone Girl shit and take this seriously. Along with the bizarre tone of the photo itself is the font, which, I have to admit, is pretty cool in and of itself, but really makes this feel more like some sort of weird pseudo horror themed workout video than an actual horror movie proper. Also very cute putting the actress's name, Brooke Adams, right on the water itself. Nothing like good ol' H20 related jokes to liven up a box art. And then, to top it all off, we...

What is it with women and wanting to fuck monsters? Is there just something wrong with us? I don’t know, but what I DO know is this: This is a movie that exists, and this cover is as bland as it gets for a movie that sounds as ridiculous as it is. It’s written AND produced by a man named Pierre Brousseau, who doesn’t have his own wikipedia page for, what I considering to be, VERY obvious reasons. In fact, the mere acknowledgment of “writing” and “production” on this is funny on almost every level, since it sounds like something a teenage girl would come up with at 3 am. There’s not much really to be said about the movie, and this isn’t really a film review blog anyway as much as it is just as box art blog, so let’s talk some box art! First and foremost, you got what EVERY single box art in the 80s/90s needed; scantily clad hot chick! And right below her? The most seemingly generic title in the world! How could you miss?! Aside from her beads, which she apparently co...