Doctor Blood's Coffin

Not gonna lie, I don't think I would trust anyone in the medical profession named Doctor Blood, regardless of their qualifications. I don't care if he primarily works a hematologist, that's the kind of name that one only acquires if you spend a lifetime removing blood from people who generally aren't conscious and aware that you're removing their blood. That being said, if I needed the blood from somebody against their will, well then I would immediately hire Doctor Blood, because he's clearly the man for the job, as his name insinuates.

Actually, goofy name and awful box art aside, this is one of those rare films covered here that actually has a Wikipedia page, which describes the movie as:

Doctor Blood's Coffin is a 1961 British horror film produced by George Fowler, and directed by Sidney J. Furie. It stars Kieron Moore, Hazel Court, and Ian Hunter. The story is that of young biochemist Dr Peter Blood (Kieron Moore), who returns to his hometown in Cornwall with the belief that he can selectively restore life by transplanting the living hearts of 'undeserving' people into dead people who 'deserve' to live. The film is significant for being one of the first two zombie films to be shot in colour, the other being the obscure 1961 American film The Dead One, and for its early portrayal of zombies as homicidal rotting cadavers. The movie was released in the UK in January 1961 and in the US in April of that year.

So it does have some real historic significance within the film industry, but that doesn't excuse a shoddy VHS release. And this is one of those boxes, too, that's not only ugly, it's also somehow boring at the same time, which is the worst two sins a box art can commit, much less together. Not only is the art bad - which, to be fair, VHS wasn't a respected art form for the longest time so why bother getting someone talented to do it? - but also the design itself is bad. You've got the blood dripping from the top of the case, and you've got a doubled up image. It wasn't enough to have one awful picture on the front, but then, instead of at least giving us a screenshot on the back, they simply reused the same artwork. Lazy. Lazy lazy lazy.

At least this release, from Alpha Video Distributors, put some kind of effort in. Not only do you have an actual description of the film on the back instead of just a single run on sentence, but you've got a nice little screenshot, plus the good doctor himself above it for added flair. And to think this came out of New Jersey. Nothing good comes from New Jersey, but I guess every once in a while even they get something right.

It's not hard, that's the thing. Even in its infancy, it's not hard to have just given one tenths of a shit about what it is you're doing. The problem is that often, these jobs went to people who say them as quick cash, not an actual form of expression, and so they put in as little effort as they could to get the paycheck, and frankly, considering how low the paycheck likely was, I can't say I blame them one bit. I myself am of the opinion that it shouldn't matter if you're getting paid or not, you make art for the sake of art, but I realize I'm the outsider in that belief, so.

Not only is bad box art a visual eyesore, it's also an insult to the picture itself. I'm sure Doctor Blood's Coffin is actually a fairly decent flick (I'm playing devils advocate as I've never actually seen the movie, but I'm willing to give it the benefit of the doubt at the very least), and yet here it is, looking like it's some shot on home video release made by one guy who knew a friend who dropped out of med school and thus had the equipment and knowledge to make a vaguely related horror film.

And what really boggles me most of all, though, about these old VHS releases is why they just never used the poster to begin with.

I mean, look at this thing and tell me that isn't better than everything else you'll find on every release.

These posters were made by professionals whose entire goal was to entice the viewer to go see the picture. Surely you simply remove most of the text from it, and you've got a great piece of artwork viable for VHS release! And yet...they never do this. It really doesn't make sense, either, considering the poster is often the most recognizable and iconic piece of art made for the film. You began to see this done later on, admittedly, but even then not all the time.

There's just so many very different ways to put together a decent release, and rarely were the alternatives ever considered. Sad to say, but the further we get into the future, too, the more hopeless decent releases become. For a while home video releases were amazing; DVDs stuffed to the gills with bonus features, hours of behind the scenes content and extras, and now if you buy a DVD (and even Bluray is beginning to feel this too), you're lucky if you get anything more than a jewel case with a disc inside that, more often than not, doesn't even have artwork on that. It's outright embarrassing, and disrespectful to an industry that once did work so very hard to make home video releases something of an art form.

So that's Doctor Blood's Coffin, in all its 'meh' glory.

One final note, however, is how the film, despite bearing 'the first modern screen zombie', was criticized by Glenn Kay, in Zombie Movies: The Ultimate Guide, for its 'deadly slow pace', to which I have to say, it's a movie about zombies, Glenn, I'd be surprised if they were on motorcycles with nunchuks and not ambling about in a molasses manner.

...though now I kinda wanna see Zombie Motorcycle Nunchuck Surprise.