Be Kind, Rewind

You know, I often give these boxes a lot of flack - rightfully so, might I add, I'm by no means apologizing for that - but I have to say that of all the taglines we've covered on this blog, "Should old acquaintance be forgot? Or just brutally murdered" might be the best. There's just something stunningly hilarious about that. "Bloody New Year" is yet another horror movie based around a holiday, as was common for a long while, and, as usual, they tried to fit the name of the holiday into a stupid name for the movie. Much like "My Bloody Valentine" or "Christmas Evil" , these movies could never resist the urge to come up with the absolute stupidest titles possible instead of giving it something decent and unique. And the cover here is...I mean....it's comical. It's not even scary. It's on the laughable side of Tales from the Crypt, honestly. That skull doesn't invoke fear, it invokes riotious laughter. Look at his dumb...

This is a tough one. On one hand, this is as bad as always, but on the other, it's light years ahead of most of the stuff generally featured here. Because of this, it's hard for me to actually consider it bad, but considering the amount of questionable artistic decisions - and I use the work "artistic" extremely lightly here - I'm going to feature it anyway. Let's start with the obvious, the tagline. "Danny was perfectly normal, except...he glowed in the dark." First of all, you say this as if it's a detriment, when really it's a bonus. In what world is that a negative trait? No more flashlights, no more night lights, plus you'd be the most popular person at a rave. Danny's got nothing but a life of excitement ahead of him, believe me. He's gonna LITERALLY be the light in someones life! In fact, I'd wager to say that glowing in the dark is not nearly as bad as his bizarre size as a baby. Why is Danny the size of a Corgi? One o...

I'd like to start off this post by apologizing for having been so absent, but I got very very sick recently, and no, it wasn't because of this VHS cover, although one could claim it makes them ill. I'd like to follow up that apology by apologizing to myself for allowing myself to come back to this blog and doing this post. Because it's the holiday season, I've decided to go ahead and get you all a present, and it's right there, under the tree. Go unwrap it, you little rascal! Do you like what I've gotten you? I know, it's a turd covered in sparkles and glitter, you're welcome! Let's get christmasy, bitch. Christy, subtitled, Santa's First Female Reindeer, is clearly a groundbreaking achievement for the feminist movement, I think we can all agree. Christy doesn't care about your goddamned glass ceilings and gender roles, she's here to pull that fuckin' sled. This box is just...atrocious. There's no other word for it. It...