Be Kind, Rewind

You know, I often give these boxes a lot of flack - rightfully so, might I add, I'm by no means apologizing for that - but I have to say that of all the taglines we've covered on this blog, "Should old acquaintance be forgot? Or just brutally murdered" might be the best. There's just something stunningly hilarious about that. "Bloody New Year" is yet another horror movie based around a holiday, as was common for a long while, and, as usual, they tried to fit the name of the holiday into a stupid name for the movie. Much like "My Bloody Valentine" or "Christmas Evil" , these movies could never resist the urge to come up with the absolute stupidest titles possible instead of giving it something decent and unique. And the cover here is...I mean....it's comical. It's not even scary. It's on the laughable side of Tales from the Crypt, honestly. That skull doesn't invoke fear, it invokes riotious laughter. Look at his dumb...

"Honey, your prom date, Hanged Slightly Overweight Limo Chauffeur, is here!" Twice Dead, a title that would've worked better for the 2nd movie in a series rather than the first but who's arguing semantics at this point on the blog, is a 1988 directed by Bert Dragin, a man who somehow has simultaneously the best and worst names combined. Not gonna lie, at first glance, I almost thought this was a somewhat educational tape for beginner special effects artists who wanted to learn the trade, thanks to that rather innocuous tagline, "The Ultimate Special Effect". Maybe not the best idea to put it there, and in such goofy font, compared to the wicked cool title font. So, what is Twice Dead? Well the synopsis reads as such: The Cates family is thrilled to learn they have inherited the old mansion of the deranged stage actor, Tyler Walker. They arrive to discover that the mansion has turned into a playground for a local street gang. But the gang is not all the Ca...

Listen, it's okay to have a room dedicated to Exorcism, maybe even two, but a whole entire house? That's just greedy. Surely you live with other people who want to use that house and those rooms for their own purposes, who says it's up to you that the entirety of the home is to be dedicated solely to the act of Exorcism? Rude, quite frankly, you selfish twit. Why can't you just rent a hotel room like normal people who perform their nefarious acts out of the public eye. Honestly, at first glance, there's a lot to enjoy from this box. Let's start with the director, the man, the myth, the legend...Mickey Lion. What a fantastic name. Not to be confused with Mikey Lion , who is the top hat-wearing leader of The San Diego based Desert Hearts Crew, who, biannually, throw the 70-hour nonstop Desert Hearts Festival with the mantra "House, Techno, & Love" as its tagline. No, Mickey Lion is a man so mysterious that he cannot be traced. Maybe he went into...

If there's one thing in the world you should never be scared of or feel threatened by, it's a severed limb, even if that limb is sentient. Like, this is the single most unterrifying concept I could've ever conceived of, and it's just so gloriously stupid. What the fuck is an arm gonna do to you? Gesture at you menacingly? At worst, it's gonna give you the finger. I will give this box art this much credit: I've never seen anything so simultaneously awesome a concept and hideous an execution, so, kudos, I guess? Like, when you look at this picture, the image you see is an arm on the front, but that arm is extending from the back of the box cover and is attached, very un severedly might I add, to a human man. There's also the obligatory terrible screenshots, a weird unholy yellow stripe across the bottom giving us the cast, and why this has to be "uncensored" is beyond me, because unless that arm is going to get up to some rather unfamily frie...

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