Demon Wind

I'm not even going to start this one by making the obvious fart joke, because the company themselves already leaned into it. It's the tagline on both the top AND bottom of the box for god sakes! So let's just skip any demon fart jokes we might have thought of, no matter how much a gas they might've gone, and dive right into this sucker.

This is, actually, vintage 90s horror movie box art right here. This is peak horror movie box art, really. And almost quality so, even, if not for a few minor things that need to be discussed.

The first of these things is the description on the back, which makes it sound like, despite the image on the front, these people are being haunted by literal wind, which...I mean, I hate wind too, but I wouldn't call it a demon. Sure, it's irritating and it gets in your face and it blows all your papers around, but come on. Also the tagline on the back of the box is even worse than the preceding two on the front. Like, where as the first two seemingly are leaning into the joke of the title, and perhaps I'm totally wrong and they meant all of this seriously, the third one is just plain bad. In fact, I'm gonna say the fact that they felt they needed more than one tagline in general is kind of a red herring. Like, if you need, in addition to a two paragraph blurb on the back, three goddamned taglines, perhaps your movie is just not that good.

But as I said, while the first are kinda funny and go along with the title, that third one is just plain stupid.

"Now you see it. Now you don't. Now you're dead."

Like, that's something a ten year old would come up with for their horror story. It's that vacuous and awful and that a literal child could've come up with that exact phrasing of those exact words in that exact way. That's not good. Not to mention the one singular screenshot we get of, what I'm assuming is the demon in this movie, on the back of the box, is also kind of terrible and looks much less demon like and much more "we're gonna pseudo rip off The Borg from Star Trek but more gruesome and horrorlike" feel to it, but hey, that's just me. To be honest, I actually don't have a whole lot to say about this. It falls into that weird category of "good enough to not be bad", but it still has enough qualities that make it bad to make it worth being talked about, ya know? I mean aside from the back of the box being relatively bare bones and kind of boring (those those wicked ass lightning effects are dope), the front is actually pretty awesome. That monster design, even if it looks like Predator and Green Goblin had a baby together, is fairly solid, though I guarantee, as with most of these, that the monster in the movie looks absolutely NOTHING like that.

On the wikipedia page for the film, it stars absolutely nobody of note except an uncredited guest cameo by fucking Lou Diamond Phillips AS a demon, which I find highly amusing. Otherwise 99% of the cast doesn't even have their own page, nor does the writer/director, or honestly most of the people and companies involved in this things production; this includes the production company that I'm assuming was made solely for this movie, Demon Wind Productions LTD, which is just....god that's a great movie production company name. I wish we had them around today just for the benefit of their name.

There's no budget, there's no box office revenue (this likely wasn't released in theaters I'm willing to bet), the composer and the editor don't have their own wiki pages, and overall this thing stinks to high heavens of "let's make a cheap horror movie for people to mistakenly or drunkenly rent over other bad horror movies". See there was a time when production companies would pump out absolute garbage solely to outdo other production companies pumping out absolute garbage, because each wanted the others cash revenue. So what we wound up with was a whole slew of garbage movies, sometimes made by fairly reputable companies, that nobody likes or remembers. I think this falls squarely into that group.

I think that about sums up Demon Wind, and I'm fairly proud of myself for being a mature woman and getting through this without making a single fart joke, because in reality I am NOT a mature woman and I would usually absolutely make fart jokes about this. In fact it was the first thing I thought upon seeing the title, but it just seemed too easy. It seemed too obvious. I like to think I'm a cut above that.

I'm NOT, but I'd like to THINK that I am.