Be Kind, Rewind

Sometimes there comes a description so horrendously milquetoast that you're almost legally required to make fun of it, and this is one of those times. The description on the back of this box is so fucking dull, so mundane, so very goddamn generic that it felt like wheoever wrote it only did so because nobody else would bother to do it. Kind of like when you're in a science glass and you wind up doing the entire groups work. My favorite part of the blurb, however, has to be the segment that's not about the girls who're murdered but more about the residents of this 'affluent' neighborhood, who are now, as it describes "puzzled and frightened by the horrible crime that has been committed", because the qualifier of them being affluent almost makes it seem like the crime itself is less of a concern and more that they want to figure out who to uninvite from this years potluck. The Creepers plot, as described by an IMDB user, is as follows After one schoolgir

Not gonna lie, I don't think I would trust anyone in the medical profession named Doctor Blood, regardless of their qualifications. I don't care if he primarily works a hematologist, that's the kind of name that one only acquires if you spend a lifetime removing blood from people who generally aren't conscious and aware that you're removing their blood. That being said, if I needed the blood from somebody against their will, well then I would immediately hire Doctor Blood, because he's clearly the man for the job, as his name insinuates. Actually, goofy name and awful box art aside, this is one of those rare films covered here that actually has a Wikipedia page, which describes the movie as: Doctor Blood's Coffin is a 1961 British horror film produced by George Fowler, and directed by Sidney J. Furie . It stars Kieron Moore , Hazel Court , and Ian Hunter . The story is that of young biochemist Dr Peter Blood (Kieron Moore), who returns to his hometown in Co

This is a tough one. On one hand, this is as bad as always, but on the other, it's light years ahead of most of the stuff generally featured here. Because of this, it's hard for me to actually consider it bad, but considering the amount of questionable artistic decisions - and I use the work "artistic" extremely lightly here - I'm going to feature it anyway. Let's start with the obvious, the tagline. "Danny was perfectly normal, except...he glowed in the dark." First of all, you say this as if it's a detriment, when really it's a bonus. In what world is that a negative trait? No more flashlights, no more night lights, plus you'd be the most popular person at a rave. Danny's got nothing but a life of excitement ahead of him, believe me. He's gonna LITERALLY be the light in someones life! In fact, I'd wager to say that glowing in the dark is not nearly as bad as his bizarre size as a baby. Why is Danny the size of a Corgi? One o

You know, I know it's common place for men to call their beloved objects by female pronouns, for example when referring to their classic Camaro they may say "Isn't she a beaut?", but I think this one might go a little too far. Master Blaster, contrary to what its cover might indicate, is sadly not a film about a maniacal evil genius who makes tiny women into guns, which is a shame, because that sounds endlessly entertaining. Instead it's a pretty cut and paste concept we've seen a million times before regarding a competition based around money that goes horribly horribly wrong, much like the production of this movie I would imagine. Front art aside, I think my personal favorite part of this box design is the spine, which I can only assume was intentionally left blank so when friends viewed your shelf of films they didn't see this alongside others. The artwork on the spine looks like the cheap tablecloth used at a local family run pizzeria, which only makes

I'm a bit torn, I admit. On one hand, the name Twinsanity is so stupid that I can't help but love it, on the other, its alternate title, Goodbye Gemini, is so cool that I feel it's the more appropriate title when trying to sell the film to a wider audience. I'm just not sure which I really wanna like more, but for the sake of this post, we'll be calling it Twinsanity, just because this blog is about dumb VHS decisions and it don't get dumber than pun titles like that. Released in 1970, it is a British psychological horror film based on the novel "Ask Agamemnon" (a title which is somehow the worst of all 3 despite being the original) by author Jenni Hall. It's a run of the mill film about a pair of unusually close pseudo incestuous twins who commit a murder, and then deal with the aftermath. Nothing too fancy or original here, to be honest. But this isn't a review blog. Well, it kinda is, but not of the films. This is a blog about the artwork pr

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but that werewolf sure resembles an angry terrier more than it resembles a werewolf. Not that angry terriers aren't horrifying. They can be vicious little bastards. I'm just saying...if you're going to make a werewolf, make a werewolf, not something that resembles your aunts pissy little dog. Then again, we are discussing yet another Italian horror movie made in 1976 which is barely horror from what I've read, so perhaps I'm asking too much from them. Either way, "Werewolf Woman", which is a terrible title but not nearly as terrible as some of the alternatives which we'll discuss in a second, is yet another example of a film in which a woman is raped, then makes that entire incident her characterization. In fact, the sexual assaults seems to weigh more on her as a person than the fact that, you know, she's a goddamned werewolf. And I'm not trying to speak lightly of people who've endured sexual assa