Be Kind, Rewind

"So Joel, you wanna go take a fake cryptid photo and try to fool people into thinking it's real?" "Totally dude! Let's go pull a faux Bigfoot, that'd be rad." And thus, the cover for this movie was born. And boy is there a lot to love about this, in a really genuine way. It's still bad , don't get me wrong, but it's the enjoyable sort of bad rather than the anger inducing sort of bad. Let's pick this one apart piece by piece, shall we? We'll start with the cover, which looks like a bad attempt at fooling some local yokels that their livestock is in danger thanks to the sudden appearance of a swamp beast of some sort, just so you can weasel them out of their land and then build a mini-mall where their farms once stood, because, ya know, you're a villainous real estate agent from an 80s movie.  My personal favorite part of this box, however - and it's a very minor thing - is that they put "science fiction" on the spine...

This fucking thing, man. There's so much wrong with this, and all its subsequent variants, which we'll also cover. Let's start with the sheer fact that this womans proportions are absolutely ridiculous. I'm not a very big breasted lady myself, but holy god damn, this woman is more tit than person at this point. Seriously, this lady probably has back problems because of the size of her chest, it's ludicrous. I'm not against using sex to sell something, and sex and horror often go hand in hand, but this thing is oversexed to the point where it makes me almost wonder if it's just a porn parody of a horror movie. Of course I know it's not, but still. The images on the back are of no help, because we have a woman screaming at seemingly nothing, a man who appears to be aiming a gun, and then just TNA everywhere else. They were really depending on horny movie goers to rent this flick. Also the grey surrounding everything else is just an odd color choice and kin...

I'll give this movie on thing...never before have two words melded so well together besides Miami and Horror. I mean, they just go hand in hand, right? But honestly guys, there's a lot in this one to dissect, so strap in. First off, let's just...look at this. Let's just take a moment, and take a very long gander at the artwork on the front of this box. You got your standard hero with a gun, balding bad guy in a suit with a gun, hot scantily clad girl, a boat with another guy with a gun, a helicopter chase and then finally some sort of evil alien creature glaring over them all. There's a LOT going on here. That isn't to say it's bad. It's actually pretty sweet, to be honest. It's painted, it's not photos, it's well done, the coloring is good, the layout is good, it's just a lot to take in though. Then you got the classic Miami font, with the "horror" part of the title crumbling, which is a nice touch, and I like the powder blue c...

    I for the life of me cannot possibly fathom why this woman seems to be shrieking in terror. She's not the apex predator here. Look at how much goddamned bigger she actually is than that shark. She should just turn around and eat him, quite frankly. The look of absolute "I can't draw a screaming face" on her...face, is pretty hilarious. I laughed pretty damn hard the first time I saw this, about 15 minutes before writing this post. And honestly, it's not just her, there's actually a lot to love about this entire box, front and back. First of all, let's get the obvious out of the way and, can't believe I even have to state this but I will, this film is CLEARLY an attempt to capitalize off the popularity of Jaws, which released only a year prior in 1975. I mean, for fucks sake, they put the words "jaws" IN the title. What more proof do you need? Honestly, the plot sounds cool enough. A man working for the marines learns he has the ability to...