Be Kind, Rewind

If there's one thing in the world you should never be scared of or feel threatened by, it's a severed limb, even if that limb is sentient. Like, this is the single most unterrifying concept I could've ever conceived of, and it's just so gloriously stupid. What the fuck is an arm gonna do to you? Gesture at you menacingly? At worst, it's gonna give you the finger. I will give this box art this much credit: I've never seen anything so simultaneously awesome a concept and hideous an execution, so, kudos, I guess? Like, when you look at this picture, the image you see is an arm on the front, but that arm is extending from the back of the box cover and is attached, very un severedly might I add, to a human man. There's also the obligatory terrible screenshots, a weird unholy yellow stripe across the bottom giving us the cast, and why this has to be "uncensored" is beyond me, because unless that arm is going to get up to some rather unfamily frie...

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I spend a lot of my time writing, as evidenced by the constant updating of these blogs. This means, inevitably, that I spend a lot of time thinking of ways to promote said writing, which generally ends up with me thinking of easy to swallow catchphrases or brief paragraphs that explain the work it is I'm trying to share. With that being said, I can not , for the life of me, no matter how hard I try, think of a worse tagline for something than "You'll Sweat Blood." That doesn't sound like an advertisement for a horror movie, that sounds like a side effect of some bad medication. Like, that tells me absolutely nothing except that this movie apparently intends to do me bodily harm just by watching it, which, looking at this box, I fully believe. I'm glad they give us a list of people responsible for this nightmare, but it's a rather weird decision to stick that list on the front cover right under your art. Still, it's nice to know who's house to ...

I really don't know where to begin with this one. On one hand, it sort of comes off as a Troma movie, you know, a movie that's intentionally kind of bad but for the sake of the joke? But I did my research. It isn't. It was a fully intentional movie, which only leads to even worse questions. I guess I should start off with the very obvious disclaimer that the first thing wrong with this, or first two things really, are the words in the title. Crazy and Fat. Now, I know a lot of people bemoan the use of the word crazy in place of "evil" and I understand why, as I myself have a pretty long list of mental health problems. But to me the even worse one is the fat. In no way do I condone the usage of someones weight as a prop for their villainy or as an example of terror and disgust. That's just downright hurtful, and I am not gonna sit here with that. So with that out of the way, let's really dive into this thing. First off, it's just a poorly constru...

"The Mutations" is a classic example of "not so bad it's terrible but still so bad it's bad" design wise. I don't know who ever had the idea of putting giant blocks over other images for these boxes, but it was a terrible idea and I hope they are in hell as I write this, especially since that style became almost the norm for a lot of these boxes. While there's nothing really atrocious about this, it's still pretty bad. I mean, the tagline is outright boring, "It's not nice to fool with mother nature...it can be HORRIFYING!" like, that does nothing for me, even when coupled with a seemingly grotesque image on the front that I guess they assumed would interest people into seeing it? I mean, it's not bad monster design, really, but overall it's not really anything to write home about either. Hell, it's not much to write about here for that matter. I also am highly skeptical of the "Hollywood Horror Collection...